Thursday, October 18, 2012

Hiding behind my blog.

I’ve been writing, or should I say, trying to write and keep up a blog for over 5 years.  I started as a means to keep a memory book for B and myself…a way to document milestones in our new marriage and to get things out of my head and heart and on to “paper.”   Does that make sense?  I wrote it for myself, and didn’t even realize that other people actually read it.  
Anyways, I have always talked openly and honestly about my blog, and family and friends know I have one, and they oftentimes read it (or I hope they do).

I post on my personal facebook page when I post something new, and I let all of my twitter followers know, too.
So, why do I get that whole deer-in-the-headlights look when someone says to me, 
I read your blog.
Oh, gracious.  Insert frightened look + lots of stuttering = the reaction you’ll get from me.

 It’s not that I don’t want you to read it…I do!  I love getting comments and emails and questions, I really do.  It’s just that I really don’t know what to say when someone says that to me.

This blog has been my hiding place for so long – where I go to pour out my feelings and fears and dreams and hopes.  And I do it behind my nickname of “LeeLee.”  I do that partly because of past experiences I went through because of my blog (my character being questioned) and partly because I kind of liked living these two separate lives.  
But attending Influence (and I’m sure any blogger conference) inserted this magical connector between those two lives.  As Jessi from Naptime Diaries wrote, “the internet is real!”  And she was so right.  
You have no idea how surreal it was to finally connect with these women that I felt I knew so much because of their blog/online space, then to realize that they are in fact, a real person, not just a blog I read!  It kind of felt like a dreamland at first...

I think sometimes I hide behind this blog – here is where I really share my story.  Then when someone approaches me about my blog…I freeze up.  I go blank.  I say nothing.  I don’t share.  I let the words that flow through me so easily on my online space get blocked out.  
Why is it that I can share so much about my faith on my blog (hiding as LeeLee), but as soon as God gives me the opportunity to show them in real life that same goodness, I trip over my own words?

I don’t know if there’s a definite answer for me on this matter.  I know for sure it’s something that I’m working on every single day.  I’ve been praying for God to give me the words He wants me to say when someone approaches me.  I’m praying that I wouldn’t be shy and hide…instead, that I would be bold, brave and courageous.
I think I'll begin with a simple "thank you."
(side note: please do not be afraid to approach me and say "I read your blog." 
I promise I won't be too terribly least I'll try!)


  1. I read your blog. And I like it.

  2. I feel the SAME way! Exactly. Last night someone that I kind of know told me they read my blog, and I was like "Reeeaally?" It's definitely easier for me to be bold on my blog then face to face, but one thing I've taken from Influence is how real this blog thing really is. It's REAL LIFE! And it's awesome. You're awesome.

  3. LOL! Maybe it's universal. I think because the only get one or two comments (usually from my mom or sister, lol), that no one reads. Then, someone that Chris works with or someone I used to teach with will run into me and ask me about something they saw on my blog or say something like, "I loved that post about..." and I'll stand in stunned silence and think to myself, "Oh my gosh, they read MY blog???" LOL! :-) It's kind of funny.

    For the record... I like your "online space" and think that Leelee and you are one in the same and fabulous :-)